Wednesday, September 29, 2004

"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things..."

Preparations for this week’s UGA-LSU game are getting serious now.

Just yesterday I talked to some folks who had reserved a Pigturducken for their tailgate Saturday. For the uninitiated, a Pigturducken is the one-upped version of the Turducken—the six-legged bird made infamous by ex-coach/current Football color commentator/general-pitchman-for-any-company-that-pays-him John Madden on Thanksgiving Day NFL telecasts. The Turducken is a chicken, stuffed inside of a duck, stuffed inside of a turkey, often with holes cut in the sides so it can look like some 6-legged genetic mutation gone tasty. The Pigturducken merely takes the existing turducken and crams it inside a pig, which means the Walrus will have to find another one of those “many things” to talk about.

But really, I think more could be done, which is why I wish to share the main course on tap for my Orange Bowl tailgate (Note: knock on wood, Ol’ Lady Luck Willing):

The Buffacowpigturducken.



(whole, all cleaned and deboned):
(1) Buffalo
(1) Cow (veal calf can be substituted)
(1) Pig
(1) Turkey
(1) Duck
(1) Chicken
Additional fun stuff:
Two dozen (24) shrimp or crawfish
Cajun rice
Cajun seasoning mix
Jerk Chicken seasoning
Frying Batter

Combine cooked shrimp and rice, insert into chicken. Insert chicken into duck, insert duck into turkey, insert turkey into pig, insert pig into cow, insert cow into buffalo, cover the whole Frankensteinian entrée with additional Cajun spices and frying batter and dip it into an industrial-sized deep fat fryer. Eat. Have heart attack. Serves many.

Speaking of heart attacks, someone forgot to tell the Red Sox that since they’ve clinched the playoffs, games don’t count. This is a good thing (it means my dream of them winning the AL East can last another day at least) but extra-innings with Tampa Bay isn’t good for the ticker.

The big news is that Boston will go with a 4-man postseason pitching rotation. 1 (Curt), 2 (Pedro), and 3 (Bronson) are pretty much set, but who gets to be #4?

Wakefield has been sub par for the past month, so maybe the knuckler gets to hang in the bullpen, but that means #4 falls to Derek Lowe.

And that ain’t good folks.

Getting shellacked by the Yankees is one thing (especially if you spent half the night prior drinking) but getting smacked around by the D’Rays? They’re nobody’s Murderer’s Row.

Fellow blogger, Red Sox fan, and writer Jose Melendez refers to DLowe as “the Paranoid Android”…I have but one problem with this. To me, the term android implies a sort of smarts. The Boston Globe compared him with C3PO, and it doesn’t work. Sure, C3PO got flustered easily, but he was smart. I think a more accurate androidal comparison is Fatbot from the show Futurama. Lowe isn’t fat, but like Fatbot he is prone to panic, and while unlike Fatbot, Lowe isn’t in a fraternity, he does allegedly party like he confused the Boston Clubhouse with the Delta House. Plus, compare the two mug shots.

Unless he blows folks away in his final start, I think it’s time Fatbot hung out in the ‘pen.

Until next time, Go Dawgs, Go Sox (Go Twins) and to hell with LSU!

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